Saying goodbye

It's funny how things work...my first blog entry and I'm saying goodbye. This has been one of the most difficult weeks I've had in many years. This week, I had to say goodbye to my Grandma. One of the people that I hold closest in my heart.

I spent many days at my Grandma and Grandpa's house. Growing up in a small town (and living on an acreage outside of town) where my parents owned their own business meant that while my parents were working, I walked to my grandparent's house for lunch every day, and then walked back after school to spend my afternoons with them until my parents closed their store for the day. The bond between myself and my grandparents to say the least, was tight. I adored them. They played a huge part in how I was raised and I have them to thank for many of the positive attributes that I see within myself.

My Grandma had been sick for about the past 2 years, but every time she got sick, somehow, miraculously, she bounced back. She'd recover and feel good for awhile before it started all over again. Close to the end, I know she was tired. Every time we went to visit her, I'd ask her if she was feeling good, and she'd say to me, "I haven't felt good in so long, I don't know what good is anymore." That broke my heart. Last week, she was transported to the hospital where she was to receive a blood transfusion. The doctor's were hoping that the transfusion would flush out her system and make her feel a little more like herself. 

My parents were going to St. Lucia last Sunday night for a month-long vacation. They were nervous to be leaving while Grandma was in the hospital for this procedure, but she told them that they shouldn't postpone their trip just on her account. She said she knew they loved her, and they know she loves them, and that if anything were to happen while they were gone, that's just the way it was meant to be. So we took my parents to the airport last Sunday night at about 10:00pm for their flight at midnight. They were still pretty uneasy about leaving and said to phone them if anything changed with Grandma. We said our goodbyes, had our hugs and left them to go check in. Not even half an hour later, I got a text from my Mom saying that they had missed their flight. The airline had eliminated the flight that they were originally scheduled to be on, and had put them on a flight that was scheduled for 9:30pm - the only part the airline forgot about, was to inform my parents of the change in their flight itinerary. Right from this moment, my mom expressed to me how she had a bad feeling about all of this, that this was fate's way of telling them that they shouldn't be leaving. After a few minutes of confusion, the ticket agent realized that the new flight that they were scheduled on (at 9:30) had been delayed, and actually hadn't left yet. So they rushed my parents through security, and got them on this plane. They arrived in Vancouver only to discover that because the flight had been delayed leaving Calgary, they had now missed their connecting flight out of Vancouver. So at 2:30am, I get another text from my Mom telling me about their ordeal. Because it is the middle of the night, there are no ticket agents to help them get re-booked on another flight, so now they had to stay in Vancouver overnight until they could get another flight booked. Again, my Mom expresses to me how her gut is telling her that all of these delays and missed flights are a sign that they should not be leaving the country. 

Monday morning arrives, and I get myself ready to go to work. I hadn't slept well all night, and for whatever reason, I knew in my heart that I shouldn't be going to work that day. But I go anyways and within half an hour of getting to work, I get the dreaded phone call. At 7:20am on Monday, February 28  at 92 years of age, my Grandma passed away peacefully. My whole world collapsed around me. Not only was my Grandma gone, but my parents weren't here either to be with. I was numb. I was crying uncontrollably, and then had to drive myself home, because I couldn't stay at work and pretend to teach 25 grade three students all day long. Eventually late that afternoon, my parents arrived back from Vancouver. Both of them knew that fate was pulling all of the strings on their vacation. Had everything gone according to their itinerary, they would have been on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, half-way to St. Lucia (and flights only leave out of St. Lucia back to Canada 3 times a week) when the news would have come about my Grandma. They were not meant to leave the country.

I think what upset me the most was that she was alone. There was nobody by her side to hold her hand and tell her that we love her. I know that she knew...but it would have been nice to have someone there with her in her final moments, just so she wasn't alone. For many years, my Grandma had told us, "When it's my time, I wish that I could just fall asleep one night and not wake up." Grandma got her wish, and I know that she's now in a much better place where there's no pain, no poking of needles, no prodding of doctor's and where she can see her two children that she lost in the years earlier, and her husband of 60 years. 

Rest well, Grandma. You will forever hold a special place in my heart. I love you immensely and miss you every single day.

xoxo