Up in the air

My thoughts are so all over the place right now...I don't even really know where to begin.
For the last three years, I have been fighting to get a permanent contract in my school division. Every year, around this time the anxiety would set in. Will I have a job next year? Will this school have a position for me? If this school doesn't have a position, where will I go? What will I do? Finally, last year, I got my permanent contract. It was like a giant weight was lifted off of my shoulders! No more worrying every single year where I would be, or what grade I would be teaching. I was at a school permanently!

Or...so I thought.

This year has been challenging. And that is putting it lightly. Between having a HUGE class (28 grade 3's), a HUGE number of ELL students (between 1/3 and 1/2 of my class), and implementing a new program in our school (International Baccalaureate Primary Years Programme). I've barely had time to breathe. One of the biggest struggles has been the staff that I work with. I am completely, 100% on board, and believe to my core that this program is how we should be teaching. However, not everyone is on board, and they are creating HUGE rifts in the relationships on staff. They are doing everything in their power to make life difficult for everyone who is trying to get this program off the ground. Their passive-aggressive behaviour, snide comments, and backstabbing has gotten to the point that I really do not enjoy working with a lot of them. They are not in this job for the right reasons. They are in it because they want to keep doing what they've done for the past 15-20 years. Because it's easy, and it's what they know. They want to do worksheets, they want to stand and deliver their 'knowledge' and just pump it into the kids and expect them to just regurgitate everything that they can remember onto a piece of paper. Research shows that this is NOT how kids learn best. This will NOT prepare them for the types of jobs or lives that they will be entering into when they get out of school. Times have changed - so too, does our teaching style need to change and adapt to what our kids will need in order to be successful in life. So those of us who DO want to do what is best for our kids, have taken the initiative to implement this program. But it has been an uphill battle the entire way.

Here's the thing. The program requires that the school have a 'coordinator' on staff who is like the go-to person to help mentor teams during their planning, and to be an outside source to call on when they need an extra set of eyes, or pair of hands during their planning of their units. Our current coordinator will likely not be at our school next year. She has been accepted into the administrative pool and could potentially have a job as an administrator next year at a different school. My current admin team has approached me, and want me to take over the role of the coordinator. They believe (as well as I do) that I am perfect for the job. I believe in the program, I understand the program, and I have very strong interpersonal skills. However, I know how our current coordinator is treated by some of the staff (and their negative attitudes toward the program) and I'm not sure if that is what I want to deal with on a daily basis. I know I'd do well in the position, because as I've said, I believe to the core that this is the way that we should be teaching our kids, and if I can help other teachers get to that spot where they see it too, what a huge accomplishment that would be. I just don't know if it'll ever happen for some of the staff. And until they decide to transfer to another school, where they won't be miserable every single day that they come to work...I'd be the one that would have to deal with them and their negative attitudes.

Today, a position was posted on our hiring board for a learning specialist in the technology department based out of our Education Centre (head office). This is, ultimately, my dream position. I would love to be able to work with different teachers, from different schools (who WANT to work with these learning specialists - they (the teachers) reach out to these learning specialists and ask them to come out to their schools to help them) to guide, develop, and implement inquiry projects that have different types of technology integrated into them. Again, this is a job that I know I would be good at. But, it would mean leaving the school that I'm at, leaving the program that I so deeply believe in, and have invested a lot of time and effort into getting going, and leaving (some of) the staff that I have developed a very strong bond with as we started this program. The other thing that makes me nervous about applying for this position, is I know that education budgets are like a roller coaster. Some years are good, others...well...not so good. I worry that if I were to get into this position, and 2 years down the road, the money is no longer there to continue the position, that I'd be surplussed back into a school, and it would likely not be the school that I'm at right now. Which means, I wouldn't be able to get back into teaching in a PYP classroom.

I'm so up in the air! The coordinator position isn't a guarantee (if the current coordinator ends up staying). I'm not sure if I should apply for the learning specialist position, because if I get it, and the coordinator does end up leaving, I don't know who they would ask to be the coordinator, and I don't want my colleagues, or my admin to feel like I'm abandoning them (especially after they asked me if I would be interested in the position and I said yes). But if I don't apply, and our coordinator ends up staying, I think I would be happier to leave the classroom and go work at the board office as a learning specialist. But then again, I could apply for the position, and not be selected for an interview, and then all of this is for naught.

I can't talk to anybody at work about this, because I've been asked to keep tight-lipped about it, until some firm decisions have been made and it's killing me to not have anyone (other than my husband - who I feel like hears enough of my 'work stuff' all the time) to vent to and share my thoughts. My husband wants me to apply for the job, he tells me that there is no harm in applying and seeing what happens. I know he's right. I just feel so torn about everything. The deadline for applications for the learning specialist position is May 13, so I would hear probably next week or the week after if I get an interview. For once, I'd just like to finish one school-year, and not have to worry, over-analyze, and over-think where I will be or what I will be doing next school year.

Maybe next year...

*Whew* What a busy week!

Much of this past week has involved finalizing plans for future trips/activities. As of this week, I have many things to look forward to in the coming months! Let's go in order, shall we?

March 30: Road trip to Montana for an extended long weekend to go skiing, shopping and vegging.
April 18: Coldplay concert with ROW 6 VIP SEATS!!!
April 21: Alberta Wilderness Association's Earth Day run and climb for wilderness. I will be climbing the 802 stairs in the Calgary Tower to raise money and awareness for wilderness conservation efforts in Alberta.
April 25: National Geographic Live! presentation with photographer, Mattias Klum.
May 11: Black Keys concert!!
And then the biggest one, is still a long way off..but I don't care!
July 5, 2013 - We're heading to Borneo for 3 weeks!! 2 weeks will be spent volunteering at an Orangutan sanctuary, then we'll spend a week traveling around and exploring on our own. I am SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! One of my dreams since I was in my primatology days was to see Orangutans in the wild, and I'll finally get the opportunity! I can pretty much guarantee I'll be a bawling mess the first time I see them navigating through the trees.
How could you not adore this face:

 Is it too soon to start packing?? ;)

Back to reality

Well, Christmas holidays are now over. Tomorrow, I go back to work after 2 glorious weeks of friends, food, family, and a vacation thrown in as well. I must admit - I'm not looking forward to it at all!
Lately, I've been feeling like I'm in the middle of a quarter life crisis. I love my job, I love teaching. But I feel like it's not satisfying me enough. I feel like I could be doing more. If only I could find a way to marry my two passions - Education and Conservation - I think I could hit the jackpot. So, I went searching...I found an organization in Ontario called Down to Earth Conservation Education. It looks amazing! So, I've sent them an email with some inquiries and now I have to wait to hear back from them. My worry is that they are solely based out of Ontario. Being in Alberta, and with no option of moving at this time - that will be the biggest problem. If only I knew how to create one of these organizations here in Calgary, I would SO do it!

I think it is so important for our kids to understand the importance of conservation, and the impacts that we have on the natural world around us. I'm just about finished reading a book by Richard Louv called "Last Child in the Woods" about how our kids are growing up in a world with a nature deficit, and that they are no longer feeling a strong connection to the natural world. This saddens me, because I remember when I was growing up, all of the hours I spent outside building forts with my friends, making mud pies after if rained, hunting for frogs near the sloughs that were by my house. Most of my cherished memories as a kid are when I was outside exploring the world. And to think that kids are no longer experiencing that, and that they have no connection to all of the deforestation and loss of species that is occurring because of US makes me want to cry. If I could do something to bring that awareness back, I feel like that would be my calling. My purpose. But how?

Fall fashion

Even though fall means that winter will soon be upon us (we just had our first significant snowfall yesterday), fall also means.....fashion! I love fall shopping, it's one of my favourite times of the year to shop. I got 2 kick-ass pairs of shoes this fall; one pair of pumps and one pair of riding boots!
Pumps:

 Riding boots:

 I also managed to buy yet another pair of Lululemon pants (which I probably didn't need, but they were so comfy, I couldn't pass them up!)

I also have a slight obsession with scarves this time of year. I've bought several so far, and I have a few more on my Christmas wish list. I was recently introduced to this wonderful YouTube video:
25 ways to wear a scarf in 4.5 minutes which has opened up my world to many more ways to wear my scarves.

*Sigh* Fall is awesome! And even better still...tonight we fall back an hour, so one more blissful hour of sleep is headed my way tonight!

Now if only my report cards (all TWENTY SEVEN of them) would write themselves, I'd be completely happy. I'll just have to wear my new Lululemon's, a scarf and my beautiful red pumps to make it through... :)

A book EVERYONE should read

**spoiler alert...if you plan to read the book, and don't want to read some of the quotes I've taken away from the book, stop reading once I tell you some things that Randy said** 
Why does it take a terminal illness for most people to realize how they should live their lives? Randy Pausch doesn't quite fit that mold. He knew how to live his life before he found out he only had 3 to 6 months to live, but, it took finding this out for him to decide to share it with the world. This book was amazing. Not long, not long-winded, not preachy. Just one man sharing how he lived his life. And it's a kick in the pants for me to realize that I should be doing the same thing, even though I'm not suffering from a terminal illness. This book should be read by EVERYONE. I will re-read it time and time again, when I find myself slipping back into old habits. Some things that Randy said, that will stick with me forever:
"Luck is indeed where preparation meets opportunity."
"A lot of people want a shortcut. I find the best shortcut is the long way, which is basically two words: Work Hard"
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."
"I wanted to help students learn how to judge themselves."
"Phrase alternatives as questions, instead of ...."I think we should..." try, "What if we did...?"
"The brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."
"Time is all you have. And you may find out one day that you have less than you think."
"EXPERIENCE is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
"Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I feel badly that I hurt you. 3) How do I make this better?"

All words worth living by every single day that we are on this Earth. It's just sad that it takes a dying man to impart this wisdom on so many. I will do my part to pay it forward in my own life, in the lives of my students, and in the lives of those I care about.

The last makeover...

My adventure begins not this past Saturday, but the Saturday before that. My cousin was about to turn the big 3-5, which for her, is her 'scary age'. So, in light of this big occasion, she decided that she was going to "face her scary age with a new face!" She decided she would like to go the the MAC counter and get a makeover for her birthday. I love MAC, it's the only makeup that I use and I had never had a makeover done before, so I thought this would be a super fun way to celebrate with her! Key word....*thought*

I met my makeup artist Matt, and he was awesome! Funny, listened to what I wanted, yet really wanted to get playful and do something different from what I normally do with my makeup. Which, on a daily basis consists of tinted SPF moisturizer, lip gloss and some mascara. I don't wear a lot of makeup. I informed Matt of my sensitive skin, and that I wanted something that I could use for a day look, but that he could boost up for that night. Let me tell you...the amount of makeup that was used was IN.SANE! I have NEVER worn that much makeup before in my entire life. Primer, foundation, mineral setting powder, eyelid primer, 3 different eye shadows, lip liner, lip gloss, mascara and eyeliner. Oh my god, the eyeliner! I have never worn eyeliner on what he called the "water line". The inside edge of the bottom lid. So of course, he puts it there, it felt weird and made my eyes water, but he said that it was normal, it's just that my eyes aren't used to wearing makeup there. Once he was finished, it felt weird to even look at myself. I felt so aware of all the makeup on my face, and felt certain that everyone else would be just as aware of it when we went out for drinks after we were done. But nevertheless, I thought it was a fun change:

Once drinks were done, and we made our way back to my cousin's place to crash for the night. I couldn't wait to wash my face and get it back to the blank canvas so my poor skin could breathe again! Roll around to Wednesday, and I start to notice that my bottom lid on my left eye is developing a little bump (stye). Whatever, I've had one before, no big...

Oh boy...by Sunday:

PANIC! The bump only continues to grow larger, my eye is almost completely bloodshot, and the skin below my eye is yellowish-purple...a BLACK EYE!! Monday morning rolls around, and I immediately make an appointment with my optometrist to get this taken care of. He informs me that it's likely because the makeup blocked several of the glands in my eyelid, and so it's still trying to secrete the oils to keep my eye lubricated, but the blockage is causing it to just build up under the skin because it can't get out. I cannot tell you HOW PAINFUL it is to blink, sneeze, cough, laugh, anything that involves my top lid closing and touching the bottom lid!

So I'm now on medicated ointment to try to prevent infection, reduce the swelling. And I have to put a hot compress on my eye several times every night, massaging upwards to try to unblock the glands. All of this because of some stupid eyeliner! Let me tell you, it will be the last makeover I ever do again. If I am convinced to do another one, I will be sure to tell them to STAY AWAY from the eyeliner/eye shadow around the inside edge of my lower lids. I hope to never experience this again!

Within the next 2 years...

...I WILL

Volunteer at for the Sarawak Orangutan Volunteer Program

 

I WILL

Know where all of my food comes from

I WILL

Donate 10 or more inches of my hair to Locks of Love

(inspired by one of my 9 year old students who has now done it 3 times in her short life)

I know I have more goals than this...this is just all I could think of off the top of my head for the next 2 years. As I think of more, I will continue to add them!

What are some of your "I WILL's" in the next 2 years?